James here to tell you about the burger that wasn’t, also known as Lousy Lentils Lack Likeability.
Brandi is somewhat indifferent to beef, but I put the guards at the Tower of London to shame in my capacity for eating beef. Among my favorites is the humble hamburger. Unfortunately Brandi’s favorite organic ground beef and saving money do not mix well. Its superior flavor is much more expensive than regular ground beef. Brandi thought she might be able to stretch the beef supply by mixing ground beef with boiled lentils.
I was very skeptical about this idea, but Brandi is nothing if not innovative, and her previous attempts at mixing beans with beef for meatloaf were acceptable. I set out to run an errand for Brandi when she started cooking, and returned home to find dinner on the table. We sat down and the three ladies of the house dug in while I served french fries. Right away I should have realized something was wrong.
For starters, Brandi was eating, but wouldn’t make eye contact. She muttered “they don’t hold together well, be careful.” I made my burger (pepperjack, lettuce, BBQ) and took a bite…I immediately thought OK, this seems wrong somehow. Power through, give it a chance. It was gritty, and tasted nothing like meat. A good hamburger needs a strong beefy flavor. These had no flavor to speak of. Somehow the lentils robbed the beef of beefiness. I watched Brandi eat. Determined to give it a real try, I choked down the first by dousing it in ketchup, and tried a second with ketchup instead of BBQ. I couldn’t take more than a bite. Brandi finally said “You don’t like it. It’s OK, neither do I.”
The moral of the story is: if you pay extra for meat that tastes better, don’t dilute it with additives that rob it of flavor. None of us would eat the lentil patties. We’ll experiment with using the leftovers as taco filling, in hopes that the spices will make it edible.
Live long and prosper!
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